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Friday, March 12, 2010

Devourer of Worlds

by Henry Vandermark and John Bradford

A flurry of arms and legs flies through the dark alleyway. The legless victim tries to escape, but a shadowy predator extends two elastic arms and envelops its prey.

Suddenly, lights turn on. A masculine voice says, “Did you hear that?” Another set of lights turns on...

“Who's there?”

“It's that thing again!”

“That's the thing that killed the mayor.”

“Get him!”

Two men step out of their homes, armed, firing green beams of fluctuating light at the “thing.” With flailing arms, the creature runs.

The community gathers to discuss the recent sighting of the creature, thing, suspected in the rash of recent murders. Witnesses have reported a strange figure with many arms and legs. The crowd produces a plasma ballgun and shoots the retreating figure, capturing it.

The following day, headlines read:

“Murderous Monster Captured, Yet Murders Continue!”

Weeks later, the headlines read:

“Legless, Smoky Apparitions Seen Wandering Town At Night... Murders Continue.”

In the jail cell, a long, scaly arm pushes away a tray of food. “I'll never get out of here,” the creature whispers.

20 years later...

The green plasma bars on the jail cell flicker and go out. The prisoner tentatively exists.

What he sees outside is a green, robed figure, surrounded by legless, wispy, wandering souls.

“Brother! Devourer of humans! How could you do this to me! They blamed me for everything you've done!”

“Don't worry, brother, devourer of souls, I've summoned father – devourer of worlds!”

And everything went dark.

Non-Independent Human Resistance

by Danny Drew and Daquande Summers

Geoff Petersons personal diary, 2046

It's been 10 years now, this has gone on for too long. We're only fighting for safety. The Enemy has no motives, no decency.

As far as I know, my men have died for nothing. Outside, I can hear gunshots and strange breathing patterns. It sounds human, but I know it is not.

We call them zombies, but the NIHR (Non-Independent Human Resistance) are more than that. Some look deformed. Some are missing eyes. They look half-dead, too pale. From a medical standpoint, they are dead. It's only the chip in their heads that keeps them moving. They literally live off fighting. Their tactics include biting chunks off their enemy to consume, even at the risk of being shot. It's their food and only pastime.

I yell at one of my men, “Corporal, get a breach on that wall! We wanna bring the fight to them.” He puts the explosive in place, and we wait. I hear that they are coming near.


We only escaped just narrowly. Edged up to a cliffside, our only choice was to jump to the chopper. Inside the helicopter, they had supplies of the only thing we know works against the NIHR – dozens of canisters of vaporized concentrate of guacamole.

We threw the canisters into the mob of hideous creatures, and it short-circuited their clockwork. They collapsed in piles, swearing in Russian (or at least, that's what it sounded like), and a few of their stomachs exploded for punctuation.

The Idiots' Pastry Games: No Comment

by Alex Finzel and Noah Knoerl-Morrill

Skyapter Octorson travels to the battlefield of Canada through a wormhole generator, skipping 3 galaxies and evading the parasites, to meet George Lucas in epic battle over yellow cake Uranium.

George Lucas wears a gas mask to protect himself from the fumes. He was trying to poison the bakery across the street because he hates the baker, but the baker is Skyapter's best friend, so Skyapter came to the rescue.

Skyapter wants to blast George Lucas out of existence, but doesn't want to hurt the baker so he uses quiet negotiation instead.

Skyapter: You will be completely obliterated if you don't relinquish the U-235. And leave the baker alone 'cause he is awesome.

George Lucas: No he's not! I hit my baseball through his window and he won't give it back.

Skyapter: That is moronic. Here, have a baseball.

George Lucas chucks the baseball at the baker, but Skyapter chops it out of the air. He then tries mind control on George Lucas. George Lucas pulls out one of his Oscars and uses it to call taun-tauns to trample over the bakery.

Skyapter: Sillyness. Verdict: guilty. I sentence you to be baked into a pie.

George Lucas: Oh no you didn't!

The baker interrupts. He comes in with George's baseball and a cinnamon bun and says, “peace offering.”

George rejects the offering and Skyapter travels back through time to turn George into a giant amoeba and puts him in a zoo. Skyapter then returns to Aridios and continues fighting the parasites.

Meanwile... in the zoo. George Lucas's cells begin to split and he plots his revenge...


Invasion of Earl

by Noah Koehler, Ben Koehler, and Preston Horvath

Commander Gumpwills: We must take it by force. There is no other way. They won't agree with you.

Frank: We need to negotiate. They MUST agree with me.

Commander Gumpwills: They won't though. You've never met them.

Captain Rifo: Why are you guys arguing about how to take the planet when there is a giant minefield in front of us?

Frank: Well, if you're as good a pilot as you think you are then we shouldn't have to worry about it.

Captain Rifo: I did get 50,000 stars for best pilot, but no one could get through this minefield without extreme skill.

Commander Gumpwills: Why don't we just blast the mines out of the way?

Captain Rifo: We have enough ammo.

Frank: But that would be seen as an act of aggression!

[A worker arrives]

Worker: Your landing strip is ready.

To be continued...

Man Vs. Plant

by Eric Levitt and Shruti Sudabattula

“We've almost done it!” said Napolean.

Napolean Coffliss was in uncontrollable happiness. Napolean, his girlfriend, Nehona Gardenia, and his co-worker, Neil Mynson, were making a new species of plant. Instead of making water into food, this planted needed food to make water!

“All we need now is the last chemical, Nebisium,” said Nehona. Nebisium was a slightly radioactive chemical that would complete their experiment.

Just as they were going to put in the last chemical, Nahomen Pestius, another co-worker, arrived.

“Sorry I'm late,” said Nahomen. “I was caught in traffic.”

“Well, you're a little too late,” said Neil. They had already put in the last chemical. The scientists left the lab, but little did they know they were in great danger.

To be continued...